Fatherhood seems pretty hard, too.

Iโ€™m hard on my husband sometimes and I shouldnโ€™t be. He comes home after waking up at 4 am for a 12-13 hour workday to get tackled (or totally ignored – depends on the day) by an excited oversized 4 year old and growled at by a thicc baby with an attitude. And he smiles. 
I guess the standard for fatherhood set by society is SO much lower than the standard for motherhood that sometimes it makes me bitter. That a dad just showing up is enough but a mom can be shamed for darn near any parenting choice. Sometimes I just wanna shout โ€œYOU WASNT WITH ME SHOOTIN IN THE GYMโ€ at him. 

STILL nesting somehow – grout renew

Somehow I feel like I’m nesting again. So I tackled something that’s bothered me for awhile. For some reason, whoever built this house picked out tile with basically WHITE grout for the floor. When we moved in I was totally unfamiliar with care and didn’t know it wasn’t sealed. So obviously it got disgusting. I really didn’t notice because I was working so much, but my the time we had been living there 6 months the floor looked totally different. So much so that in our painted cabinets before and after someone asked if we had changed the floor ๐Ÿ˜ฉ

That was after only living here like 6 months! Continue reading “STILL nesting somehow – grout renew”

I hated school because I never wanted to take work home.

Writing about my anxiety helps me make light of daily stresses and feel more grateful. I was a little hesitant to publish this one, but here goes nothing:

Picture it: Huntington 2011 (i love golden girls ๐Ÿ˜‚).

One of my first thoughts when i decided to hustle up some summer classes and finish my BS in chemistry a semester early was “I can’t wait until a life without homework”.

I hated college and vowed to never go back to school. Because it never ended – classes ran into other classes ran into study groups ran into labs. It was so much pressure, so many hours of dedication… ONE mistake could ruin everything back then. I was over it and I wanted time to live my life.

When I first started my first job as a chemist I was amazed at how nice it was to leave work – even if it was a long day … and be DONE until the next day. Or be DONE all weekend.

It was absolutely amazing to not have work following me around like a shadow. My anxiety was way down. Life was simpler.

Then i became a mom, which is like getting a PhD in overworking. It’s honestly like college on crack cocaine. Continue reading “I hated school because I never wanted to take work home.”

The trauma of being a black mother

Can I tell you guys something real?

I am a mom who has a lot of anxious thoughts postpartum, and being a woman of color adds to my stress. Being a black woman, specifically.

I won’t go into depth because other black women understand and I am not trying to convince anyone else. Continue reading “The trauma of being a black mother”

Nesting with Tarra ? – 5 months postpartum ๐Ÿ˜†

LB has been at my mom and dads since Friday and I have been going crazy with organizing and cleaning random stuff while Viv naps. Idk if it’s the dopamine from finally being able to accomplish ANYTHING in peace or some kind of hormonal response but i love it ๐Ÿ˜‚

So far:

– cleaned out and organized kitchen cabinets

– cleaned out fridge

– helped install our home security system (by help I mean hubby did it then I made him relocate the keypad ๐Ÿ˜‚)

– sorted through a bunch of paperwork

– painted around thermostats and home security keypad

Pics for proof ๐Ÿ˜‚

Continue reading “Nesting with Tarra ? – 5 months postpartum ๐Ÿ˜†”

Cloth diapers made easy – night time cloth diapering

Cloth diapering during the day is much different than at night once your baby starts sleeping longer stretches. During the day most cloth mommas change every 2 hours (or whenever the diaper is soiled) so diapers only have to hold that much pee. But no one is waking a baby every 2-3 hours for a diaper change so night time cloth diapers need to be comfortable and absorb a lot.

Vivian is a heavy wetter (she obviously takes in A LOT of milk – just look at her ๐Ÿ˜‚). She has been sleeping 8-10 hours at night since about 8 weeks old. Continue reading “Cloth diapers made easy – night time cloth diapering”