Happy birthday to me

Ive been trying to put together an eloquent post but… this will have to do.

I turned 30 yesterday. During a pandemic.

I didn’t want to.

I mean, not only do i not feel 30… i also don’t feel like any day really feels special right now. I wanted to pretend this year wasn’t happening because I feel like my life is on pause in a lot of ways. Our business has been closed for months. I haven’t seen hardly anyone until recently. Preschool was cancelled. We don’t leave the house. I have to remind myself to start my car every few days just for good measure. I try to keep my head up – and I’ve learned a lot these past couple of months – but I’d be lying if i didn’t say it sucks.

So, the weeks leading up to this birthday hurt. I think it may be the first time I have spent a birthday without my parents. I have a few out of town friends that always make an appearance for my birthday. Not this year…

It’s supposed to be special to enter a new decade but it wouldn’t feel special without a lot of the people I love.

So I was fully prepared to choke down some heartache yesterday. I was going to smile at gifts from the kids and privately cry because I miss my mom and dad and my friends.

My husband saw me in these weeks leading up to my birthday. He SAW me… and he acted. He had a few friends come out to the parking lot of the gym for a pandemic party for me. Complete with music and gifts and everything. I’ve never felt so loved.

I don’t even have the words to explain what that meant to me… How it filled my heart up. I’m not gonna say some things didn’t hurt – I miss my mom and dad, and watching them love on the kids. So. Bad.

But it helped to be surrounded by friends. Even if we couldn’t hug. Thank you all so much.

Thank you so much to everyone who showed up AND everyone wished me happy birthday. I read every single message and post and text over again this morning, just to remind myself that there is so much good out there.

Thank you.

PS: 30 looks good on me.