Tarra Yvette

Why don’t we tell future moms the truth about motherhood?

I mean we may tell them you don’t get a lot of sleep at first, or that breastfeeding is hard, or that contractions hurt. But we don’t tell them the whole truth.

Why don’t doctors/lactation consultants/breastfeeding classes tell you nursing can hurt at first – even if you’re doing it right? Why don’t they tell you the pain won’t last always but your nipples aren’t used to being used that way and they get sore, and painful. Why don’t they tell you about that hard latch when a baby is so hungry and it makes you want to cry out in pain? Why don’t tell tell you every night feeding is yours for a long time – or you could deal with nipple confusion. And that to maintain your supply even if you pump for a night feeding you need to be up pumping while baby eats so it’s pointless?

Why don’t we tell moms some babies never take any type of bottle and go straight to a sippy cup or a cup?

Why don’t moms tell you that nighttime potty training is a developmental milestone that a large number of kids don’t hit until elementary school? Why don’t we tell future or prospective moms that they make goodnights in kid size because its a common issue? and there’s nothing you can do but wait it out?

Why don’t we tell them that there are moms of toddlers who still don’t sleep through the night? That sleep training doesn’t always work, or isn’t always what moms want to do.

Why don’t we tell them about the picky eating phase that comes out of nowhere for some kids that reduces our “my kid eats exactly what we eat!” kid to a chicken nugget machine who only eats dino shaped nuggets and mac n cheese?

Why don’t we prepare moms for their second child by telling them people probably won’t show up to help like they did with the first baby, and postpartum recovery will be hell without getting people to help?

Why don’t we tell moms about postpartum recovery?! I had a harder time recovering from birth than having an unmedicated vaginal delivery. I had more pain postpartum than during labor. Why isn’t this talked about? Why don’t they require you to have some kind of help?

And yes, it’s worth it and our kids are everything. But why don’t we tell the truth? Why don’t we tell how disheartening it is to hear a toddler crying 2 hours after we put them back down to bed?

Why don’t we tell them how hard weaning is and how sometimes it’s just easier to keep nursing?

Why didn’t anyone tell me how anxious I would be 24/7 being responsible for 2 beautiful lives? How unprepared I’d feel? How scary it is?

I just wish we told people the truth about motherhood – so our expectations could be right from the start. Then maybe things would be easier – because we wouldn’t have to get over that mental hurdle of things being nothing like we expected.

I’ve been having a hard time lately. Part of it I think is from hormones from nexplanon, but the other part is my expectations vs reality.

Motherhood is hard. And there’s hard parts we don’t even talk about because we don’t want advice or to be told how we are doing things wrong, we just want someone to understand.

Right now my expectation vs reality is my almost 1 year old is waking 1-2 x a night and I’m sleepy. I don’t want to be told how I’m doing things wrong or spoiling her, I just want to know nothing lasts forever and it’s ok.

The other is LB not being night time potty trained. I don’t want to be told to wake him at night to pee or to punish him. I just want someone to say “girllll I’m dealing with this too!”

I know these are both developmental things that will eventually pass but since nobody talks about it – it feels isolating and frustrating and I didn’t expect either of these scenarios. I’m just now finding out that most of LBs male friends are in pull ups at night. I feel like just knowing this makes me feel less frustrated.

Motherhood is hard. I’m tired. But I’m making it through and nothing lasts always.