Tarra Yvette

Can I tell you guys something real?

I am a mom who has a lot of anxious thoughts postpartum, and being a woman of color adds to my stress. Being a black woman, specifically.

I won’t go into depth because other black women understand and I am not trying to convince anyone else. Either believe me or don’t. But the latest example was a harmless study a local university was doing for memory in infants. They pay you a little cash and give you a gift to have your kid look at a screen and trace what they’re looking at.

Me and Vivian went to the first one at 3 months. And they asked if we would come back at 5 months. I said yes, then I felt a wave of anxiety. What are they going to do? What if it’s harmful to her? Can i trust these people? Did i cause damage letting her go the first time?

Andddd I often feel I can’t trust anyone doing studies or medical professionals with myself or my children because of the vast history of medical mistreatment and experimentation on black children and adults. So even though I’m sure this was harmless, thoughts of the man living with half his head missing because they experimented on him and other kids with radiation while telling the parents it was a ring worm treatment flooded my mind. Tuskegee flooded my mind. So many thoughts.

And you’d probably be surprised how many times in my life Ive had that thought.

I could say more, but I won’t. I’ll just end with this – I am fully aware that I am a better person because I have experienced life through the eyes of a black woman. But, it’s also exhausting sometimes.